so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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