Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i wish my penis had a tongue
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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