i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
