He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
