well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
