I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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