bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
