the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
