do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
