Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
