Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
