did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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