whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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