The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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