Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
