I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
