Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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