Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
People in love make me want to vomit
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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