I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
