I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
