How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
