the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
