My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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