Ketchup is God's man juice
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Randomize
