Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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