How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
