Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
