What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
