nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Rumble strips road head = magical
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
