For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
