is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
