I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
