so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
