My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
