if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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