textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
