Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
