Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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