Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
