Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
