i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
