I feel like abortions should bother me more
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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