Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
