Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
