I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
