Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
