I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She's the barista slut.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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