the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
