Tell her she can't have a vagina
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
