so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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