look no pants
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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