All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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