what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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