The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
